A Father's Love Impacts a Man's Ability to Show Affection
According to Alan Downs from the book The Velvet Rage, most gay men have dads that aren’t there for them emotionally which ultimately affects their ability to create stable relationships later in life. I was a lucky kid. My dad loved me unconditionally and was not afraid to show it. He would always show his affection through hugs and kisses. Even though the question, “Do you know I love you?” was and still said so much to the point that it has become slightly irritating, I never doubted my dads love and affection.
During my struggle of finding out who I was, my subconscious whispered things like, “he might not love you for being gay”. Despite coming out at 17 as bisexual and then again at 19 as gay, my dad continued to be caring, supportive, and most of all loving. At a young age after the death of his dad, he earned maternal instincts which aided in caring for his 3 younger brothers. This translated beautifully into his transition into fatherhood when he had my brother and I. And if you ask my dad he will say the best moment of his life was when he became a dad.
As you can tell by this short story, my dad is not afraid to show affection and love especially for his family. Despite family tensions that may arise, crazy personalities, and having a colorful son (me), my dad loves the crap out of us.
I know for me becoming a parent will be just as joyous as my dad has described it. My hope is that I can be just as encouraging, wise, supportive, and most of all affectionate when I take on the role.
My general advice to all men out there in this predominately masculine world is don't be afraid to show affection and ask the people you care about, “Do you know I love you?
You are more of a man if you do.