How To Avoid Toxic Relationships Before You’re in One!
WHAT IF, I told you the reason you’re in a toxic relationship is that you chose one?
Yeah, I bet you don’t want to hear that. NO ONE wants to listen to that… however, it's true.
Why they happen?
1. You ignore red flags.
2. You hope the relationship is the one you want.
3. You prioritize someone else’s needs.
You need to watch out for #3 because this is the one that can be the most confusing.
Let’s break this down quickly.
1. You ignore red flags.
Let’s say you meet someone via Tinder, Grindr, barbershop, dance club and so on. Moreover, as you get to know someone you realize they are charming, funny, and like the same things you do.
Those are all checks. You’re finding someone with common interests, this is good!
Then as you guys start talking a week in, they begin to tell you how much they like you and you make them happy. That could be great but then when they start ghosting you a couple of weeks later, well then you might notice there is a RED FLAG.
You start dating someone for an extended period, let's say three months. Three months you begin to notice they are really into you and not into anyone else as far you know, but then one weekend you see them and notice how they look pale, haven’t slept, red eyes, oh and you met them at the club. RED FLAG.
2. You hope this relationship has the potential to be the one you want.
Now is when your pure golden heart can get in the way. You’re not wrong for wanting to stick things out when someone offers so many benefits to your life. You probably love being around them, the way they smile, the sex is fantastic, they listen to your stories about work.
Well, all of that goes to shit when there are red flags. Trust your gut feeling that says, “something is up!” because if you screw this up for you in the long run then your brain becomes dependent on liking the person (enter codependence). You’re better off asking questions early then left wondering in the future.
3. You start to like someone and forget about how someone should treat you, sacrificing who you are.
If you follow the toxic numbers by ignoring red flags, hoping the relationship had the potential to be the relationship you want it to be, then you’re absolutely going to make this even more difficult for you because next stop on the I Screwed Myself Over-Train is “I’m going to sacrifice who I am” train stop.
Seriously, by the time you get to this stop you’re so confused at what you want that you probably are trying to desperately understand why someone is treating you the way you don’t like. At this point you’re probably so fixated on the particular situation your work, personal, and family life is now being affected.
NOW, MY LAST POINT,
#4 If you feel you have to pull or push, then it’s not what you want and you need to let the tide take care of itself.
The fact I found this meme by Britney to let it go and move on is a testament to how if she survived that crazy episode of crazy in 2000-something, well you can too.
Let that tide work itself out. You’re so strong and capable of riding any wave that comes at you. There will 10000x % be more opportunities. Another wave may occur that will be even stronger and harder or perhaps weaker and little.
Whatever wave comes, you can handle it, because you know what’s happening and now you’re willing to look at checks and flags.